Hello World,

My name is Honey, and I am writing this blog to be a channel of informative and uplifting dialogue that promotes positive strategies and tactics that keep your man at home.

The communication gap between men and women has been a topic of discussion for centuries. Some explain the dilemma by suggesting that men and women are from different planets; and others just tell us to think like a man, but act like a lady. While most people would agree that communication is a key to maintaining good relationships, many say that they have stopped trying to understand the opposite sex because it’s just too hard; as a result relational communication from a lack of understanding is usually dead on arrival.

In spite of this, we have more means of communicating with each other than ever before in the history of mankind, which says to me that we want to break through the barriers and we are trying our hardest to bridge the communication gaps, but sometimes we just miscommunicate.

Woman have complained for years that men don’t express their feelings, and in response men have suggested that woman are too emotional and all they want to do is talk about their feelings. T.D. Jakes did a wonderful series a few ago entitled “He Motions” that did a deep dive into this issue. And although I don’t give all the credit to T.D. Jakes by any means, but it seems that either men have gotten better at expressing their feelings, or the conversations that were once only had in their most sacred places like the barber shop have gone public.

I’ve caught a couple of great forums of mainly Black men, having very candid discussions on what they want/don’t want in a woman or in a relationship. Although the discussions were very informative, and I found it quite sexy seeing/hearing men interact at this level, and the one thing they seemed to have in common was their appreciation of a home cooked meal.

As I started to pay closer attention to these male centered discussions, I noticed that the topic of cooking cornbread came up a lot; and men wanted to know early on in the relationship if the woman could make cornbread from scratch and not from a box. I am considered “ole school”, and although I will use a box of Jiffy in a pinch – I can make cornbread from scratch (which my husband prefers). For many years I have been attempting to write a cook book, and initially I thought this was great research for my book.  But the more I heard that questioned being asked, the more I thought that surely cornbread it’s that important to these guys – there has to something more to it.

So, I started asking the question to male family, friends and coworkers of all ages, when a man asks a woman if she can make cornbread from scratch, what does he really want to know? Some of the responses I received were to be expected. Others gave the question a little more thought, but overall it was just as I had thought – there was more to it than cornbread. The following is a list of some of the responses I received from men ranging in ages from 30-78 years old.

• We just want to know that she can make cornbread, we are not that complicated…  My mom taught me to cook when I was a little boy, and I can cook better than my wife.
• I never had to ask the question or even think about that, I ate what was put in front of me, and I knew they weren’t going to put something in front of me if it wasn’t good.
• We’re asking about how she was raised, if she was taught basic things like cooking and caring for a household and a family.
• If there are older women in her of life who have taught her how to do things.
• We’re asking about the female influences in her life, and does she have good relationships with the woman in her family.
• We’re asking so we know who will be doing the cooking in the relationship.
• It opens up the conversation about cooking and we can see how she feels about cooking.
• We’re asking so that we know how to set our expectations on meals.
• Is she wife material

Through this research, I’ve concluded that when a man asks a woman if she can make cornbread from scratch, sometimes he also wants to know; (1) Can she cook, (2) Does she cook, (3) Will she cook?  I’m in no way suggesting that the ability or inability to make cornbread from scratch is a determining factor for a relationship, but I hope it does cause us to be a little more engaged in the conversations we have amongst those we’re in relationships with – even if it appears to be about nothing more than cornbread. But I want to know your response to the question, “When a man asks if a woman can make cornbread from scratch – what does he really want to know?”